“ We are an open-minded couple who have been married for several years and are looking to meet with other like minded couples. ”

Sound familiar? You can read profiles like these on almost every lifestyle website. It sounds general enough, but is this verbiage really code for, “ Like minded couples… with the right skin color ?” The truth is that most people in the “lifestyle” who consider themselves to be open-minded, can't seem to liberate themselves from societal “norms”….And this goes both ways.

Let's face it all you open-minded people out there. We live in a segregated lifestyle world.   Now the truth is, you're preference is your preference, but most are not as liberal as they'd like to believe. Even the thought of continuing to read the rest of this article makes you feel uncomfortable. Why ? You already know why? The lifestyle is a mere microcosm of the society we live in.

We've been to a number of lifestyle events and parties-both domestic and internationally, and found that people of color always tend to number in the few. More over, black males are almost like the proverbial “unicorns”. A term used to describe the rarity of single females who attend lifestyle events, that are mainly reserved for married couples.

On the surface, this is not to fault the promoters of these events-for they simply provide a space for who they think are open-minded, like-minded individuals to meet and party together. But the few people of color are usually observed sipping on drinks while chatting amongst themselves. This is the main reason for the creation of many black and interracial swinger lifestyle sites and events, to fill a void.

Upon visiting sites dedicated to black and interracial lifestyle events, they make it very clear that it caters to black and interracial “lifestylers”, if   you will. They also seem to go out of their way to communicate, “all are welcome”. But that's to no avail, because most, with the exception of only the truly liberally minded, actually go out of their way to attend these events. Of course there are couples that desire a male from another race, and as long as everyone gets along-all are game. Hey, sometimes things that are perceived to be taboo can enhance one's libido.

Culturally, we all have our set of taboos and discretion is more of an issue for some- than others. The societal pressures one faces, black, white, and otherwise, tend to ring 'primative', especially in the culture of the Lifestyle, where we pride ourselves on living and breathing 'liberally open-minded'.

How can we fix this? Can it be fixed…immediately? Society must change first. As people part of the lifestyle, you alone must come to the realization of what open-minded truly is. True open mindedness-not necessarily preference.

Lola and Devon. Be well. Be you.