LIFESTYLE: "Don't-push-me, cause-I'm-close-to-the edge...."

Mele Mel & Furious Five

What do you do when you are approached by aggressive males...and females in the lifestyle?

No beating around the bush on this subject. Whether your new or old to the lifestyle you will find some people who can be a bit pushy when it comes to conducting themselves at lifestyle events and meeting for the first time. First, we'll start with attending the parties.

When you meet a couple online and are attracted to them, its very natural to want to meet them in person. Most times the females take on the role of the "ice-breakers", and are usually more comfortable approaching the "interesting couple", but sometimes it's the male who makes the formal introduction. Generally, this is not an area of concern as long everyone is cordial. But there are signs one should be aware of when attending lifestyle-parties, and things males as well as females should avoid.

If you notice the couple you've been chatting with at a party first, you should make your significant other aware of this and together -- be first the to introduce yourselves, why not? No reason for the " We didn't see you " game at this point. But as individuals, you should never wait until one of them is alone and decide to approach especially if you're a man and the "alone" is the other woman. Though this may be an innocent idea in your mind, this can very well be construed as devious and disrespectful. Hence, the reason females are relegated to the icebreaker roles. Following a woman to the bathroom to say " Hi " is a big no-no. And Visa-versa. You are starting off on the wrong foot and sparking the drama fuse. So, be mindful to not commit this act no matter how attractive you think the other person is. Remember the rules you and your spouse agreed to and always respect them.

A touchy feely couple or individual, and you know who you are, is welcome by some who are very comfortable in these type of settings, but it's always a good rule to keep your hands to yourself unless a special invitation is given. Once again, the party is where couples get to know one another in an attempt to establish boundaries. Eye contact, light touching, and even kissing is the usual protocol. Once again, with the ladies at the helm, distributing the playtime invites. Men should always be observant and never assume that because your lady is dancing with another that you should just jump in and start groping. Be patient and wait for their whispers to turn into eye contact-to turn into your shirt being pulled into the female foray. Before you know it...you're ALL getting to know one another.

Okay...getting past the intro phase. Both couples are truly attracted to one another and they pop the question: " Would you like to join us for a drink back at our place ? No pressure ". Eventually you want to "go there", but you're still not comfortable with committing to the full act. Now, them asking is NOT a violation, but continuing to do so after you've said " No thank you " is. No one likes pushy people even if you are mutually attracted to one another. Remember, it's who you are and how you represent yourselves that helps paint the scenario they envision for your sexual encounters. This also includes unwanted emails, IM's, and unsolicited visits to someone's job. (Just wanna cover as many bases as I could here)

So, What's the main point to remember? Cover your boundaries before heading out. Respect them at ALL times. Be observant. Be respectful. Be Patient.

Be well. Be you.

Lola and Devon.