Lifestyle: They Like Us they like us Not

You've been checking their profile pictures out for the last few days. The pictures of you two went over well based on their quick response. You check your email. It's their face pics. Suddenly, an IM pushes through: " So, what did you think of our pictures ? When are we going to catch that drink? The boat is at the dock ready to go "--types the now NOT so hot couple. And your pause says it all. Like in those Cingular commercials on TV where the calls drop in the middle of an important conversation. She gets up from the couch, wine in hand and walks toward the kitchen.

"Where are you going? What should I say?" he panics. She chuckles in the distance.

If you frequent Lifestyle dating sites, chances are you experienced the same type of situation. Viewing hundreds of profiles and an infinite number of pictures. Sifting through all the 'potential play mates' placing other couples in three categories: yes, no and maybe. So, what do you do when you run across a couple that fits in the 'no' category? There's the dreaded point of 'how do we kindly tell them we're not interested, especially after we thought we were.'

Most people know who they are and where they stand in the 'looks department'. But for some, a validation from others is needed. It seems funny to think that in a community that is known to be so open and accepting -that a formality such as looks can bring things to a screeching halt. The fact of the matter is that looks are a large part of initial sexual attraction- point blank. The first attraction to another is simply superficial and always based on aesthetics. It's pure human nature. It's not until we actually chat and spend time with another that we become attracted to their personality or wit. It's impossible to look at another without saying a word and state "I'm attracted to him/her for their mind." Who are we fooling?

So, what is the best way to tell another no thanks? It's simple and the unwritten rule of the Lifestyle. Just kindly reply "I don't think we're compatible." The Lifestyle has always been about respect for one another. 'Lifestylers' never want to hurt another's feelings. Besides how would you respond if someone told you: "Dude I don't think so, besides your 'effin' ugly". Sure, by reading this we all laugh- but to be on the receiving end of such a crass message could be painful. By telling another that you don't feel you're compatible doesn't only apply to looks, but could actually mean several things. You could be looking only for those in your age range. You may not be willing to travel. Their e-mails and IM's may expose the fact that they can't put together a simple sentence, which drives you crazy. You may prefer a different body type or perhaps that person has far too many 'validations', and the thought of you being the sloppy 55 th ? Huge turnoff.

Yet on the lighter side of things, when writing this article we asked several people to send us their most humorous let down lines. Check these out these gems:

• I'm actually getting fitted for a new leg on Tuesday.

• My llama is sick and I have to take her to the vet.

• Sorry I can't you have the same name as my ex-husband.

• I have new genital piercing and can't play for the next 6 months.

• I sprang my neck.

• I'm donating blood that day.

• I can't have drinks; I'm allergic to alcohol.

• My cat is having dialysis.

Needless to say, we all may have different ways with dealing with others. Some simply choose not to respond at all. Remember that the Lifestyle may be a large community but the social circles run local and eventually there is the chance your paths may cross again. A little kindness goes a long way. Besides, that person you may not be initially attracted to could turn out to be someone you may develop a great friendship with. You never know. The beautiful thing about the Lifestyle is-the possibilities are endless.

  "I don't think we're compatible" can be your golden ticket out of an uncomfortable situation. It's honest and respectful and as part of the Lifestyle these are two mantras that we all should abide by.

Lola and Devon. Be well. Be you.